When life gives you lemons, trade them in for peaches. And a springform pan.

My Allegra died.

You're wet but sober.

Would you rather die by yourself or have us kill you?

She's the straw that stirs the drink...

When we start talking about ketamine, my sphincter gets extra tight...

If it's not nailed down, I'm eating it.

Sorry, I didn't mean to make you twitch so early in the morning...

(primal scream)

Toes (toes) too?

Toes (toes) too!

In some circles I'm known for my paper fluttering.

Brutally Soiled

I'm a big fan of skin, so...

That's for me to decide!

I'm the decider!

If you would like to give me some meat, I will not complain!

His teeth don't fit worth a hoot!

I don't normally have a soundtrack when I talk, but...

She was kind of a blob.....or a limp dishrag.

I don't remember what I sang when I got fixed...

When you're in a hopeless situation, the more helpless people you can have around, the better

I only hunker down on sandy outcroppings.

I hate it when I forget sputum in the car!

Well, who smelled the urine?

It feels so good to feel better!

 

God bless compazine!

Do hope and love count?

He can't even swear effectively!

I'm trying to either sneeze or not sneeze....

So many bottoms, so little time.

Playing chicken with a couple of horses is better than playing horse with a couple of chickens.

I'm giving you that "thumbs up" again.

We're gonna talk as soon as I can remember something...

I'm going to update the pain.

I hope that bump in the road wasn't a chicken.

Let's move on now and talk about drugs...

I have an advanced degree in:

 

"It hurts when I do that-.....THEN don't do that- 101"

I'm not any kind of meat!

I think all my electronics are in order today...

It's National BBQ Month.

Go get a hunk of meat and cook it with some fire.

Big painful hot lower leg.

Even Christmas lights aren't like Christmas lights anymore...

The "weird" dial tone is now the "standard" dial tone.

She's totally paste.

I was in full yard sale mode.

Leaving at "noonish".

 (mental me is screaming)

He gave his last moo.

I am really sorry. Now please take off your pants.

I really must insist that you get back to some sort of useful work.

 

I've had to change my Depends twice now.

It just seems people are not dying these days.

Better that than a fast polka, someone could get hurt!!

You are the bomb diggity!