I want the 'tink!' but not the 'thud!'

I don't know what to do about my bowel movements!

I'm still perfecting Clark Kent. Superman will have to wait.

I know nada about Rambo.

I have so many people on morphine right now.

You look like you just came over from England, but you had a bowl on your head first...

I start doing something and then I have to stop and do the chicken thing.

It's OK to float, but I hope you don't sink.

If the wheelchair is rockin', don't come a knockin'.

You're blowing fuses AND you have scabies.

I think your dog is leaking.

I don't know how I'm blessed with toes.

Eat, drink, and be, well-whatever......

I feel better with the orangutan...

The ICE is like a free roller coaster :D

I am sir tortoise today, not sir speedy

Can I blame it on cold, fat fingers?

I have no problem avoiding sugar...as long as it is not around.

'Cause I have random things speak to me too...

Sorry, I just realized we were talking about two different weeks...

Drop and go!

 

(that's the way it works...)

In my mind I know what she's on.

He moves well enough to fall down...

....I've been bumping into crap all week.

She's got those bruises from the little thin-skinned people

She talks....she just doesn't say anything.

I mentioned your name and she didn't say anything...

Whoa! Brain fart!

I told him I'd be measuring his weight and monitoring his girth!

You had me at "alert and oriented"...

I'm monitoring his left thigh...

I like throat cancer...

I feel light headed with possibilities...

He rarely complains of pain other than people putting their fingers up his bottom.

She's singing the wonders of dexamethasone.

He just has pain when I'm there.

He's frozen in a pleasnt look...

She's doing better: she's wearing clothes now!

Peace on earth and all that jazz

 

(image: globe with halo, dove, and white-gloved jazz-hands)

To the best of my ability to discern, we are golden.

Thanks for being me today. Try not to rumple my clothes.

I approve of mediocrity (sp).

A chocolate cake is a terrible thing to waste.

He must be more of a savory person.

everyone should experience his giggle...

I know you like to cheese your own, so...

I don't mind farting, as long as it doesn't hurt...

I'm feeling resentful about the amount of memory space you just took up.

I see your lips moving

Now my double chins will show.

Let the swapping begin!

I have IDG brain.

All she lets me do is deal with those funky toes.

 

I've never seen toes like that before!

All we've done this week is concentrate on her funky toes.

When I say a beer or two, that means twelve.

The cell phone is dead. Long live the cell phone.

The only thing she's ever said to me is "Don't take my soda"

Are you having Frenchy flashbacks?

Sorry, I said a "b" word...

I'm full of comfortable bad habits.

Not to worry...its monitored by Sheriff poop!

Upside down items are cool with me

I have toes: Dory has stinky.

I feel like the only Curly at an all-Moe convention.

Your lips say "yes" but your cuticles speak volumes!

No, my dog is fine -- it was my grandma who died...

Let's ditch the cha cha's and get down to business!

Ahh. Self directed sarcasm is not my specialty.

When the bra doesn't fit right, it's time to start eating different...

Heard on the street in NY:
"So how did the whole shit go down?"

He gets haldol, but only for "Dinner Plate Eyes"

That family gets a group discount for anti-depressants.

I just feel better when it's on.

Irony is my specialty

Any more pearls on poop?

I have some donging experience.

It's always not a good day.

It's terrible when your tonsils stick together!

Consider me the un-Cindy

Eeew - liquid fly

Paging and Bottom To

It doesn't feel so good when the "huh's" turn against you...

Thank you for not putting your cat up my nose...

Kittens are easy to get.....livers not so much.

I have so much duct tape on my mouth right now.

And now if you'll excuse me, I 'm about to terminate.

Life is a cabaret, not a buffet.

Hi Westies (arf arf!)

Without the love, it's just a bowl of meat

I'm not the smoothest talker.

 

...but I'm a really good watcher!

We actually check pants......

How time flies...when you're old

I really thought this last dip would be it!

He was as kooky as a loon.

I need to be Helga for a minute.

You could eat there but there's no food.

Truth is the new hatespeech.

I poked her, but she wouldn't move!

Please be mindful when exiting the building that you do not walk into a waterfall......

Make that haldol!

I am floating today.

Suck it up, cupcake!

I don't have an outside voice!

I'll bring him fur.

I don't strive to be Keith.

Her ankles are getting fuzzy.

You're making me seasick.

Anything for a friend with a gastric bleed.

You've got a green chin.

After talking to him several times, I somewhat trust him.

All my weeks are all mixed-up now.

His heboglobin is low.

If I had an orange shirt, I could be a night paver too.

Inforced integrity.

It might help if you didn't have four waistbands...

She's a female Gary!!!

That's the earliest I've been late in a long time!

Multitasking gone haywire this am!  Thank you!

Dory?

Dory?

Beulah?

Cindy makes it through the door!

Except for the stink, I'm happy to take communion to her.

They did the x-ray, and there was no battery in there.

I guess I don't realize how long my foot is...

Nationwide, here in Oregon...

"Hmmm.....James never takes a second dose of morphine when we're at home...."

Sorry, meant to go to Scott...

I am presently buried.

it's too hard to rip it and do what I want to do...

You look like a blackberry.

If I wasn't emotionally callous, I'd be blushing.

She looked like Ernest Borgnine.

I'm nice, dammit!

He's had quite a few little bandaids lately...

He looks really cute, but his clothes are too tight...

Swimming with the dolphins is better than sleeping with the fishes.

I tolerate your buttons.

I feel reassured that my capacity is intact.

Please pardon the hospice cowboy thang

Everyone else fine.
Everyone else

I'm whooped!!!

He's in the heavenly risotto now....

It would be easy to shower him with love and tenderness if he wasn't such an ass.

Seriously, thanks for being such a good Phil.

Opens eyes when name is shouted.

I think he took ham too much to heart.

I can't tell how much of her is there.

I haven't met too many bad donuts.

It won't be less if he doesn't take more.

Wrong Cindy?

I smell tailgates.

We are not stinky right now.

You're a fruited plain.

I wonder if there's a limbo bar in the storeroom...

Now I need someone to peel me off of the ceiling.

I, too, am going blind I guess...

If Curly were here we could be the Three Stooges.

I can hear you with my bad ear!

No! Yea! No!

Until further notice, no more Davises will be admitted to hospice.

I don't know why I'm lagging....

My toes still glow.

I'm really shy despite my mouth...

8 reflects what ball you are behind.

I think it died because it was on my desk.

I like your red lunch pail.

I was thinking more like "ahhhgrruuh"

Her dog is going to have a home.

The cogs of bureaucracy take time to turn.

Maybe I can barter for a Mai Tai.

We're not "Denial Busters!"

It's hard to get fired from being an intern.

It's not the suing that I'm worried about...it's the winning.

At least I get my own button!!

I think he got dressed until the day he died.

I did not shut off your internet!  You have the ultimate "look like I am working" device!

She apparently did some preaching on her own!

I could have told you that if you hadn't asked me...

May yo mayo never spoil- o.

It sounds like a freight train going through his nose!

Nobody there is living in Realistic-Land.

They're triangulating all over the place.

I could hear her not taking down the number as I gave it to her over the phone...

Have you seen his feet lately!?!?!?

That's so funny I shared it with all my grieving widows...

Open up that policy to see if we addressed that worm...

The cavalry was a tow truck.

Consider yourself "temporary Phil".

I know it's not ALL about me, but SOME of it is.

The paramedics were a little cranky...

He's not the greatest roller...

We're trying to convince him he's not the same.

I'm all for drugs!

He's a Psychotherapist

 

...just leave off the therapist.

He's awake and bitchin'.

I hold gold in couch potato.

I like gravy.

There's somebody else's teeth in my mother's mouth!

Oooooh convenience in a syringe. I love it!

I mean its not often you come across someone who farts glitter and it smells like freshly baked cookies!

per wife, mumble jumbo talking...

I need a nap, a vacation, or a cookie.

Nonweightbearing and lasix do not go well together

testing 1-2-3

This was deliciouser than I thought!

...unlike that soup I made...

We each have moments with Ichiro.

My brain kills me...

It was aweful! I mean like di Vinci Code aweful!

I didn't say it was your fault, I said I blamed you!

I was not telling the report enough information and kept going in a circle.

That's not a dead animal, that's a burrito.

They won't be having so many dings now.

I got a picture in mind of a tap dancing penguin.

There's more dogs than people!

He's a beached whale.....

Did I let you talk?

Basically, they said "Just so you know, we hid the machete"...

Leggo my ego!

I'm just going to put a kick stand and wheels on this posting.....

If I ate purple-jelly donuts, I'd eat one now…

I thought we were having a chew-off...

Which eye is your weird eye?

He's Pinocchio cubed.

Fiddley-Fooey. Am I the only one having an upsurge in rashy complaints?

First, I gong my little thingie...

Back to her bowels.....

Under her arms, looks...goooood!!

Excuse me just a second while I breath.

I think I might be indecisive...

If this keeps up we won't have any right feet left...

Here comes Snow White with testicles.

Spelled sideways her name is lemon.

Just like a Sandy Koufax fastball!

(...WHIFF!!!)

We wouldn't want to taint our genius with errant advertisements...

It's the week of the crazy daughters.

I trotted out my rusty Spanish.

I don't put catheters in dead bodies.

I don't think she has the strength to scratch any more...

We be good but we be po

I'm now sitting in my car, thank you very much!

That smacking sound you heard?

 

Facepalm.

We like big talking.

He doesn't have a lot of breath to hold...

It was Dale Evans (nudge nudge, wink wink)

Now I'm a REAL boy!!!

Chickens should be able to cross without being questioned.

Every man needs a secret meatball.

That penny did not come out of me!

My Zombies don't chase me as much as I would like...

If I stop breathing I'll let you know...

She was an RV Master!

He had these gnarly toes......

We just got insulted and didn't know it!

Most of what I have is so round there's nothing to pinch.

On the cranky pants scale she can't get much higher

I'll wave whatever wands I can find…

There's two different ends...

Believe me! I took a canning class, so I know!

There's too many tears here and I'm allergic!

Hey, there's a lot of candy left in my piñata!

Especially in the dark crevices...

Download it or whatever.

There's a backside.

There is?

You've been moved up to the front of the back side!

She is just a little space cookie.

You have your own Vinnie.

I am using way too many letters...

You ain't got time to bleed.

Obviously skimming is more my style. Hehe.

I plan to call her malady

well, like the stoned girlfriend said...

I am so nice to you compared with how I'm feeling......

I was getting worried I would have to cancel my appointment with baby Jesus!

You out-ughed me.

Sorry for the chest pain I just caused.

We never know what that colon looks like until we get in there...

I'll see you that "heavier sigh" and raise you a primal scream.

N's only work when I kick my keyboard...

My soul is tired today.

Bupkus all around!

I have her filed under "crazy".

She's bedbound because of her own wackiness...

It's just nice to have a past...

I vow now to die man-boobless.

My comments have been certified as embellishment-free.

Keith, do you have your's up?

His buttocks always seem to be on the edge of breakdown.

She's in love with her dexamethasone

I lost my yarmulka!

She doesn't seem to mind, so...

He's beyond pregnant.

We can't expect you to sin ad infinitum!

You're in a belated mode.

Sounds like a bad episode of "Love Boat".

She is an anxious little human.

It's not my turn but I'm confused.

It's dirty but it's clean.

She wouldn't drink her glucose.

It's easy when one is warped.

Her mentation is fine when she is going in to the bathroom...

I never thought I would end my life in an RV.

Wait for me, and gather yourself...

Do they know her toe could fall off at any minute?

What is it we're drawing and eating?

Do you have to quack when you talk?

He decided he liked the foot pain better...

I don't think they put toxic waste in burlap bags.

Well, you just passed the old fart test.

She reminds me of you but in a skirt...

We have to figure out a way to "dog" the "flip"!

Poor ol' Septic Santa

I'm doin' the clarity jig! (It looks a little like a riverdance)

So Les Schwab has hats?

I suppose they make super-size coffins.

We're finally getting her bowels on an even keel......

Sometimes just sitting in his chair he'll get a hot flash.

 

I'm not sure what that is all about...

OK.

Actually, I was channeling Jar Jar Binks.

"Party on dudes" is not the same as "Party on, dudes"

K. I got raisins!

All of the people who were too weird for California moved to Seattle.

...will attempt a call after finishing this shower :)

The worst that can happen is nothing.

(Oops, I was supposed to use my "inside voice" then)

My brain is having a malfunction at the moment…

Sadly my GPS looney-finder is on the fritz!

I don't know if he's the gaffe that keeps on giving, or the gift that keeps on gaffeing.

We just want the drugs.

He was falling asleep with his toast and bacon...

I appreciate your good intentions. We all know what road that paves.....

John is gone.....

Hopefully my insulin will kick in...

Honorable mention to anyone who kicks the bucket between. now and 2359

Consider me Gumby.

(hopefully some folks will die over the weekend too...)

Ring up a two-fer!

Give that evil dude a raise!

Polka dots are not guy-friendly.

Make mine plaid!

Consider me Mr. Unpopularity once again.

I've been practicing my "AAAUUUUGGGHHHHH!" all week!

When we step out of the zone things get more controversial.

We still do "The Wobbly Dance"...

I'm putting catheters in everybody!

We don't make changes with the Pepsi.

Being annoyed is better than having a 'roid.

I don't know anything about a patch, dammit!

It's all the good boxes!

We share the discomfort equally among the team.

Sorry, I don't speak nurse-ese.

I tweet, therefore I am.

It was a bad oops, as oopses go...

....my wife did say that Steven Tyler is the ugliest woman she ever saw......

Sometimes I am even unaware there is a party

You can't drive that car if you stay in bed all day!!!

When he looks at her and says "what do you think", I say "Crap"!

There was much kerfuffle...

Now you got a little anoxia thing going on...

When you see his head moving toward the bricks...

My whole sciatic just went BOING!

It's a 97301 thing......

Where do I begin?
With the poop?

She came in and basically sat on his froot-loops

Are you sucking up?

Ae cannae see the wee monkeys nae mare!

...there's just something about ham...

He came and he saw the cat.

And he told me he'd seen the cat.

JOHN WILL BE IN CELL PHONE DEAD PHONE

I am literally drowning right now!

 

...and you can come and see my piles.

Yikes! My fingers are getting fatter!

Nothing like egg yolk and clove.

Oh my, it smells like Grandma's house at Christmas. That's when we found her dead on the toilet.

h/t Remi N

Hint, hint. (and hint)

Hey mister masticator! How's it going? Juicy?

how many 94 YO men have lady friends that they often take dancing?

(Image of a six foot pill bottle hailing a cab)

If Helen ain't happy, ain't nobody happy...

OK, everybody! Let's screw with hospice!

I belong to the "clean plate" club.

Blowing home now.

She wasn't a very pretty color...

She didn't buy the hint, so...

The deadline for caring ran out a few hours ago.

She showed me where the room was and then she disappeared!

raisins?

I don't know any falderal songs...oh wait...

Don't confuse me with the facts when I'm being indignant.

...but for the faint reminder of stale urine, I would almost be hungry.

That monkey is very ill...

... it's so big it isn't a tumor, it's a three-mur!

I tried as hard as I could over the weekend, but I couldn't get cloned!

We just thought you would be coming more often and doing "nursy" things...

Let everyone know my name is now keith.

We can make the cat happen today if the people who made the cat happen yesterday can't make the cat happen today

Not to mention the chicken poop........

Available at full speed now.

I can't hear you, I'm peeing...

We Goonies love the boonies!

Don't place urine here.

Damn brain fade

All he had to do was throw his pants at the bedpost and I would get pregnant.

It's hard to be safe when you're 102.

It took us until 9:19 for the male-bashing to start.

I woudn't want Magoo to do my I.V.!

Dory WON'T do it.

There's a lot of cookie shufflin' going on.

I'll try to keep my snot to myself.

He smells of stale urine.

I'm a big advocate of KY packets -- I hand them out all the time!

You can drain off the fluid but you can't drain off the fat.

changes,  new fancy chair...

Sometimes we just need to let those wingnuts talk.

If it's not in the computer, he's not Catholic.

I might be out of date.

I think everyone is playing "Ditch Tammie!"

Are you old enough to apparate?

Algae.......

So, you're saying I should ask more rhetorical questions...?

Yep, burning urine would definitely be a smelly red flag.

Great googly moogly!

I used to be "covering" but now I'm just "..."

OK...I'm punchy!

It was a chunky pillow...

The rest is the rest.

Hey! Easy on the "yikes".

I know the super Polack will get it

It's a real pain in the parts!

In a contest between me and an animatronic pig, I know who's gonna win.

I'm vacationing in my mind.

Our little gong was too loud without you...

Prefer someone with not time preference. Thanks.

Life is not medical.

I would never think of putting grated carrot in my jello (or brain!)

Your email says "somewhat" but your heart says "holy freaking buttermilk, batman!"

You are cluttering up my mile...

I gave my teeth the night off...

I didn't say the "apparently" part

As bad as all that sounds, it may not be worse than being a dude named Leslie...

I thought he was a girl.

It's not pain that makes you old, it's bitching about it.

It felt like little knives coming at you, but not in a bad way.

...it's always something about a bottle of whisky

You need a pizza intervention.

I don't know how I made it red...

 

...I'm sorry...

Vitamins are cheaper than Starbuck's.

She's a BITTER and TWISTED angel.......

I'm game (don't shoot me)

Details details... Today I'm awesome ;)

I don't do Avon.......

Sorry for the inadvertent boy-band reference.

We shall call them "Ass" and "Ass Jr."

silly me i bumped my bobo made it hurt more..dang :(...

I don't have a problem with people's butts.

Don't take any wooden salmon.

Trying to avoid aisles altogether!

Sick people have to have their CO2 tanks...

(If any of you have a magic wand, please share with me)

I'm gonna have a whole wall of me.

I shart the sheriff...

Boob ok!! : )

I sent multiple messages to multiple people saying "D'OH!".

I've never seen an 80 year old piece of cake.

He's had his quota of dizzy days for this year.

We made headway on our itch.

Cheese - I loved it, and yet I used it as a weapon

(long relationship with constipation)

feelin like a vegetarian cuz I forgot my chicken!

Some good milk right there!

Meat is nothing to be afraid of

Without the love, it's just a ball of meat

They have Ace in the hole nice mattress.

We talked about how you don't get hooked on nitro...

She didn't die, she left.

I need to smell nice now!

You're talkin' to the Post-It Queen!

I am Jeff

WE are on the death bed. HE is on the death couch.

She's kind of gray-pale

His legs feel really noodley.

I just thought it would be fun to lactate...

I thought I told you to give up on finding Sasquatch!

I make good nuts!

It's the perfect storm of stupid.

His bowels are firing blanks.

She turns purple and then she turns white.

Think about her puff compared to most other people's puff.

Pupusa coma...

I am now. I sync last night.

In hospice every day is friday the 13th.

Just a minute, I can't do three things twice!

Is that "Ed" from "Ed and Ed"?

I want to keep it moist but I don't want it sloppy.

I don't like the smell of your cheese!

It was more of a "clomp, clomp, clomp", rather than a "gliiiiiiiide"

 

I'm not sure what that means...

Can I get a barf bucket?

I don't know if he has a history of depression or being in the military but he is a Methodist.

Burial. Slow to respond.