I've been pretty much been living in Uglytown my entire life.

Just 'cause I'm awake doesn't mean I need oatmeal.

Oh...do you have a booger?

I take for granted sometimes that it is obvious to me when someone is dead.

If that was a widget, it felt like a wedgie!

The Regulators don't understand that people aren't widgets

I grabbed her hand and said, "spread 'em."

I am not Helen Keller's teacher.

Patient is not fleeing

This is Sonya. Goodbye.

"THINK" is not something she is able to do independently

She said once upon a time she had nitro.

Monday is the day we collapse.

Report no report.

I think I've babbled enough.

Every person is like:
Every other person
Some other people
No other person

We should talk about a sweep sometime.

People are people at the end of the day

I'm having an ongoing conversation with myself.

did i hit the wrong button? i thought i sent it in a note...dang.

I liked Captain Cupcake!

get the piñata perspective

We have no critical tests, but we do have critical results.

I didn't bring that language with me today.

I believe dysfunctional is the new norm.

I want to see smoke comin' out of your tennis shoes!

Look at all the horn I've saved!

If it doesn't do any good, why make myself all gooey?

I just want to stay away from his orange

Geraldo Rivera is the grim reaper.

Please let me know who mort is

Someone will need to finish death visit...

I've always overtrusted ladders.

Delightful woman shouldn't hear from her.

The packages have been unloaded.

You two are different people?

I have beautiful toes, you have no idea!

Odd's my specialty!

I got "chingles" down my spine.

I take at least two of my "I don't give a damn" pills every day

I really don't want ranges.

His bottom skin looked beautiful.

I still have the skid-marks on the back of my head

Let me see what my silver ball says.

Doreen's here and she has cash.

There's a little "he" mark there

May I practice my feathery touch on you?

I thought Phil had monkeys

You can't compete with monkeys on a tie.

It's Earth day, so I'm wearing my hemp underwear.

Do you have whiskers?

I favor overcommunication

I am ready and willing.

She's not a Mildred.

Sounds like she's turning into a sausage.

The loons! The loons!

I can't get to that database remotely

If I'm not here, Katrine knows where your something is.

Lost my speech.

Got it back today.

This is your customer service moment.

You may see Tim.

I keep a list, Phil knows who they are.

We're a group of multi disciplinary individuals.

I don't know what to do to make them die.

I hear you're going to be me today.

Nothing wrong with it, I just don't want it.

I must have been focused on that "buttock eruption" thing.

At least put them in a bowl with wheaties

You have no imagine, you just can't idea!

They're not Italians, but they could have been.

I am not going to be in the chicken suit

It's another Fish House

Everybody's nice and kissy-face.

Welcome home, honey!

Wear a mask...

You can't say hi or she'll pee on the floor

Tinkerbell is his baby

There is a little discomfort when she sits on that thing on her bottom.

It's a ribeye

Her heart is bad, but I don't know that it is that bad

Save my seat!

I had a head injury as a kid, so...

Jamie the roofer can read.

I'm available, I have a van, and I have rates.

If you're like us, the misery will continue until the candy is gone...

Did we kill them???

An 80 year old man was eyeballin' me, but he settled down.

You dance without stretching, and you're gonna POP something -- you know you will!

I'm unfriendly enough to be a doctor.

Stay away from the peanut filled easter eggs.

(kidneys not connected
to vag for me or other nurse!)

I want to pour tons of poison into my backyard, and like, kill everything.

We just stopped going everywhere.

had some chest pain today which felt better when bra removed

John is not functioning today.

(beep)

Let's reach out to the MODERATE pirates.

Boy, there's nothing like an empty bladder!

I want one that isn't real sensitive.

He's wacking her bladder and that calms her down.

I gotta go.
I have a dead person waiting.

I'm just thinking.
I'm sorry.

Think milligrams! It's a good thing to do anyway.

It's interesting edema!

It's like little guppies!

I think he's car transferable.

They were upset that a caregiver almost sat on the cups.

He's been asleep since he woke up.

I'm sooooo not about being the center of attention!!!!

Why don't you tell yourself what happened?

My aunt is demented

And she's bilingual

She looks like Bing Crosby in drag.

I feel morally superior when I walk.

Oh, I didn't know you were talking to me.

What do you want me to do, put her in a coma?

Good night Pinocchio!

I'm all watery with seasonal allergies!

I heard you knock but I couldn't do nuthin' about it.

He's strong and willful, even if he's a little guy.

Can you tell it to not pop up?

If you don't know, you probably don't use it.

She is probably messing with her btihw.

I take my computer with me at all times.

If you don't have it, you won't break it.

I think my computer has moods.

I be flat.

You don't get a bowel problem in one day.

He has the OEG: the office of euphemism generation.

When a cow laughs, does milk come out her nose?

Every day we wake up to a new normal

I bet the runs have been nice!

Anytime there's nothing to do,
I'm happy to help.

Must be pinned before use

Please see your manager if you need something.

Deaths should have said none.

Some people just have
a stretchy urethra!

Insert joke here

The morphine makes her feel like she did when she had her first joint.

Mom was a love bug.

Do I look like a repairman?

I LOVE nurses meetings!!!

As the state gets bigger, the people get smaller.

My life revolves around my mother's bowels.

You don't want the thrill of seeing my scroungy little butt?

Too much saki.

I'm wearing pink to disguise the bruises -- I thought they would show through the white

There's egg on my face, kids.

Don't get acquainted with your food.

I am a worker bee.

I have his picture in my head.

I only have chest pain when I'm constipated

My name is Jesse

But you can call me Dan

I need to drink a lot of caffeine before I see her.

I was a dog in a previous life.

I gotta find me a lawyer!

MIGHT BE NICE
IF I SAID SOMETHING!!!

...I'm wearing Milk Bone underwear.

Time to stop using the beef flavored cologne.

Something in her canine mind may have snapped.

Something's wrong with our dairy...

Please let me know if there are any problems with the replacement briefs.