Monday, December 30, 2013

Friday, December 27, 2013

I'm trying to strike a balance between Louis Pasteur and Dr Kervorkian.

Thursday, December 19, 2013

Tuesday, December 17, 2013

Then I'll love on all the penises and you can love on all the cauliflower.
It's a neck brace but I use it as a whoopie cushion.

Wednesday, December 11, 2013

Saturday, December 7, 2013

I'm just waiting until the last moment before I put my pants on.

Thursday, December 5, 2013

There's introverts, there's extroverts, and then there's Gary.

Saturday, November 30, 2013

Thursday, November 28, 2013

Tuesday, November 26, 2013

I had no idea there were so many poop information resources available.

Friday, November 15, 2013

Thursday, October 31, 2013

Wednesday, October 30, 2013

I actually went to high school with a guy named Fatty Cheese.

Saturday, October 26, 2013

Friday, October 25, 2013

I so want to lean on you, but I don't want my nose to bleed...
I'm already under the bus. Might as well laugh while I'm down here...

Saturday, October 19, 2013

Thursday, October 17, 2013

I think someone put my number on a bathroom wall somewhere.

Tuesday, October 8, 2013

I tried to disimpact someone's schizophrenia once and almost lost an eyeball in the backfire.

Wednesday, October 2, 2013

Sunday, September 29, 2013

Wednesday, September 25, 2013

Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Thursday, September 19, 2013

Monday, September 16, 2013

Sunday, September 15, 2013

Saturday, September 14, 2013

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

Friday, September 6, 2013

Saturday, August 31, 2013

You open it!!!

I don't want another ferret...or whatever...

Friday, August 9, 2013

Thursday, August 1, 2013

You know the motto...
 
If you're going to be a professional athlete, wear a life preserver!
She speaks in Japanese, but she doesn't make any sense...
If she's not at the door, knock on the window!
It's like she's chewing gum...but there's no gum!
I thought we were going to get rats with diarrhea.
He doesn't say real words anymore.
Everybody I saw yesterday wanted to talk about bowels.
It's hard to listen with digitalis poisoning.

Thursday, July 25, 2013

I'm happy to destroy these for you.....
Time really whizzes by when you're having a ball!
We're out of luck...
 
He's out of luck...
 
Everybody's out of luck...
I had the best bowel movement!
I keep showing up at Gunsmoke time! 
Looks like the two of you got anointed...
It's a guy thing. Where do you plug it in?
Unfortunately, that makes sense.
I'm trying to remember if I bake.

Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Will do.
 
Probably, I mean there is a high likelyhood that I will, we'll see, no I'll do it, I'm convicted, yes, it will happen.
 
Can you imagine what goes on in my head all day?
 
Don't, just don't.
 
Make the voices stop. 
These are not the rate hikes you're looking for.
Please don't be subtle with me!
I'll take the whew!

Am I in trouble for being a Sassy Frass???

It's all in the bedtime story!!!

Thursday, July 18, 2013

Wednesday, July 17, 2013

If only she used her foster home for niceness instead of evil...
Presently not able to report to work as I resemble an alien...

Wednesday, July 10, 2013

Friday, June 28, 2013

Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Nothing better than having a french fry in one hand, and a cancer stick in the other!

Tuesday, June 25, 2013

It was a long hike, but the baby monkeys were totally worth it!

Monday, June 24, 2013

Pt sitting in bed visiting (and belching) quite happily when I left.

Thursday, June 20, 2013

Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Wednesday, June 12, 2013

Wednesday, June 5, 2013

Tuesday, June 4, 2013

Monday, June 3, 2013

Friday, May 31, 2013

Thursday, May 30, 2013

Tuesday, May 28, 2013

He was pretty aggravated during my visit and I like all ten of my fingers.

Saturday, May 25, 2013

...am I still undercover Nancy?