(odds are good on the chicken part)

He's the man who won't die.....
I want his hair, though.

I'd vote for Leviticus.

Steel-cut oats today!
Yea!

It's nice to have a recliner on your front porch.

in the rest of the world they're not so anal about being rectal

I apologize for the full mouth.

I'm quite a baby!

I'm just glad that Al is parasite free now.

I prefer "wise donkey".

He looked pretty well fed for someone in a diaper.

Monosyllabic responses then la la land

I sure could use some of that butter right now.

She's got a counter full of bottles!

So who's doing the hoarding?

He only hurts when you fiddle with his ileostomy...

 

...which I didn't

I'M YELLING!!!!

The absence of thriving is not failure to thrive.

As long as we agree on the wonkiness.

I can let you be as nasty as you want to be.

I have the correct jacket.

I asked Santa to give me back my brain for christmas.

 

He said I have to ask the Wizard.

Don't work too hard, dude.

Death before transfer!

I have SPECIAL backup!

I felt so slow on the uptake, I added extra mini-marshamallows to my Swiss Miss!

there seems to be no enthusiasm for us at the moment

Hang on for this ride!

I'm fine with being replaced by adorable children

If I seem crazy, it's because I am

Was not IT, yet.

It's the hospice hokey pokey.

Keep your dreams to yourself.

It's a Vicodin sort of day.

I found one thing. Can I leave now?

I don't know my way around a deer.

I don't want to be a chai hog.

Just hold your breath and pass it along...

We may have to yell through the door, but we can make it work.

I know more Scotts than I know Johnsons.

smells nice, though...

I've learned never to flip out at the IT guy. IT people are to be sucked up to, not yelled at.

Thank you so much – I could just k___ you.

When will he be comatose?

Bob, are you lying?

You're a loose bulb, but you shine brightly when you're on!

I took a green banana - I am eternally hopeful.

(Front) Can someone bring out baby.

Monitor today and set up.

(Back) Punctuation is.

Important!

Well chortle de dee...

Other than the psychodrama.....is she eating?

we're still cogitating...

Serotonin goes lots of places...

The virgin Mary is a cheesehead.

I'll share my bag.

(Hey, somebody had triscuits. Feeling better now.)

This is only one woman's opinion.

I'm so glad I've got caffeine.

Everyone else is ok or gone.

sorry if the color's a bit off, fluorescent lights are a pain

He's gone Captain Queeg on us.

I suppose our challenge is to do the best we can within our limitations.

All the gray is blue.

Busy all day.
Nothing else to say.

find me at school if you want a cookie

She shoots herself in the foot a lot.

Who's bogarting the fudge?

He's Rip Taylor without the confetti.

Somebody left me biscotti.

It has come to my attention that some people did not know this.

I don't like those two fat ladies.

You're yellow because you don't drink coffee.

I hear bass sounds in my head.

That one I can trust - it's got apples on it.

I thought you were in there, Phil.

Do we have ice?

If I had a daughter named Nancy, I wouldn't encourage her to marry a man whose last name was Malig

Please wait unless I'm indispensible

I've been advertising for sycophants.....I can't find any.

I'm walking on eggshells

...'cause you're an egg

You're a nerd. I didn't know that.

He's using the urinal and we're keeping our fingers crossed.

My visits there are bipolar.

I'll always take a weight

He's a "wall walker"

She's doing the "pill rolling" thing.

Maybe on your face! : )

People eat snails, so why not Jack in the Box tacos?

How does she feel about being wired?

The guy breathes like a hamster

I'm in there, but I haven't been out there

Pardon the hilarity.

I'm glad my inside voice was staying inside.

I will call this my diversion therapy

Don't be shy, if you need help.

Are you telling me that my shit stinks?

I'll talk to my people and you talk to your people and then we'll talk.

Take that Disagree Troll!!!

You've obviously never been in love with an Italian

I was made to fertilize!!!

Gravity took my leg...

Birthday or no birthday, you don't get to bite people.

I am going to fix her 'I' statements.

I think you've been toying with your dose again…

son of a luney llama

Make sure Benny is applying properly

All baby snacks are full of sugar and styrofoam.

We had pictures but the termites ate most of them.

My scarecrow is snoring too loudly.

I am lickety split.

Hahaha...Cat Bucket!

I get sandblasted once a month.

I must have desirable dirt

..will make sure communiation complete.

They're so laid back, they're almost laying down!

I went to school for two years so I don't have to do that.

It's a good thing she's deaf and can't hear much.

Please bare with me

I go to Costco.

Had a doofus attack

sorry...chemobrain

What you need to do here is go out into a field, and just talk to yourself!

Sometimes it's good to be vague.

Is fixing dates a me thing or a you thing?

I am on way but got caught up in a parade.

Fear not!  Thy name is still Bob!

 

Also -- why are we not hanging out?  Lets fix that.

Who you callin' a lady?!??!?

Now THERE'S a T-shirt!

We ARE the old foggies.

Always trust the spidey sense!

It wasn't horrible, but it was nasty.

It's got my hinky flag up....

His skin is about 9 miles better

There's always a woman in my room, and I always have to pass gas.

She's very meticulous about her smell.

I will do whatever I'm told

Sucks to be you!

I'm not the idiot.

And I always enjoy anything crispy

I haven't had a food fight in a long time.

My ears are always open.

Don't diss' the cats.

I prefer to think of it as a long, slow, decay.

 

 

...like rotting candy on unflossed teeth.

Life is like a bubble.

It's craziness, but do it all the time if you want to!

Do you want your yolk broken?

Pumpkins will fly when you hear the horn!

Is that a speech impediment or are you just lethargic?

Right now we have a vision of a family of hedgehogs. Malnourished ones.

This is all for now.

Oh, I thought it was hunky men of America. They forgot to call me.

You watch, now TOMORROW she'll have a seizure.

She can now distinguish Tammie from "Mitch".

Well, at least you're not "Mitch" anymore!

If she's not dying, I will just work on the meds.

If all else fails, you have enough for canasta!

It's good that my aim sucked & the beer bottle didn't hit anything important.

Like so many Marines on Iwo Jima, the beans have landed.

I'm not changing any more diapers, guys.

Get in jail so I can get you out.

Oh, what are we?

These M&Ms taste rotten.
That's because they're Skittles.

I've seen geeks and I've seen nerds, but I've never seen geeks AND nerds.

It gets bad when you have to sleep in your track shoes.

Dennis is like an inflatable Hugh.

"I like to put a spoon in it and make it scream", said Rob

I thought I heard banjo music as I crossed the crick'.

of course, everyone is 'relatively young' to me, nowadays

We're all rooting for the acute event.

She eats like a little horse.

The dog I could step on.....

The whatnot is especially difficult.

She does alternate between swearing and "thank you".

Ethel is 30 years older but does the same stuff.

You don't want to just yank that digoxin.

Nothing here is done gently.

It's nonsensical to chart stuff on a dead person.

If you're not sure what it is, destroy it.

When I'm greeted by pit bulls and ferrets and snakes, I just say "no".

The seminar callers are coming out of the trees.

You don't get burned there, they take you to Salem.

We were on a pie jag for awhile.

I'm not going to win the blanket war.

Wait! That's not caramel!

...wait, that's not caramel!

I will effort to use quotes frequently

Blackie sends you an indignant meow!

I couldn't give you your mommy, so it was the least I could do.

Her final act was making pickles.

She walked past her and gave her a drive by kiss.

Lebanon is nice this time of year.

I've been letting my chickens out. I don't know about chickens....

I'm old-ish at 55.

I do pain every year

I'm a licensed amateur.

hungry hippie

Honey, I was BORN cynical.

Silly me. I can't get on internet.

Sometimes that happens when I've had fibre...

If we were really underground there would be zombies.

You're especially zippy today!

I don't like curly Q's.

It's the easiest place in the world to find, but nobody knows where it is.

He wasn't shaking when she saw him...

I don't think his weight has anything to do with his teeth

Lucidity is mine.

liquid hurl deliver me!

(I always dry heave 3 or 4 times before anything comes out)

Some of them made steer manure, some of them started restaurants.

It's coming back!

I guess it doesn't have any other place to go...

Smog is better than fog.

George is the drug gatekeeper.

If you want more, talk to George.

There are family problems...DUH!!!

SKULL PAIN!!!

I'll keep a hairy eyeball on that arm circumference.

She has finger foods and hair foods.

I'm evil: you know that.

Let's be fair. I do believe I am the broken record!

O.8 looms on the horizon!

If I didn't have to work for a living, I'd probably pinch myself.

You can confer, but no gazing.

If I happen to die, remember Helen is in the closet.

I would rather have wedgies and fart in public than not be able to fit into any more of my clothes. It's a small price to pay...

I here u snapping Scott

Effective immediately, I am crunch free!

Dear so and so,

Do hospital beds float?

She's a biter, so the staff is careful

I am nothing if not FLEXIBLE!

Isn't nerve damage wonderful?

...not remembering how to get from A to B

Sorry, yes. I'm trying to do a shower.

I am just doing things that Scott does and I am happy.

WOO HOO!

(ahem)

Er, thank you

I love baby ravioli hands

Aww, you got a broken Google!

per family, I am here now

I've got no time for dopeheads.

Wouldn't you like to club the doctor?

Where did you go again?

I'm off to see the drug addict.

She was playin' her country music...

All there is, is this mud, and it won't come out.

Yea for the longfoot club!

I need a geek.

We must embrace our inner beige.

Hodge podge willy nilly.

You really can overdose on too much herbs...

the hamsters are weary

Seemy note and meds.

I was balancing on my laptop and it flipped over!

I am going to be bored out of my shorts.

Great, now Spencer Tracy's withered old face will be in my head all day long

I'm your huckleberry ... if it works out.

They have legs, but the pipes are wrapped.

I apologize for all the clarifications.

Finally. A smile on my face not created by drugs.

I'll take a strange one next week

Really well sheesh never mind me

Always tell the truth -- everything else is a waste of time.

Excuse me, I'm just skipping around in my brain...

A little redundacy wouldn't kill ya!

I do have a soft spot for tater tots.

We'll just get this all fixed and he'll die.

I suppose you want to ask me about my bowels.

He is an odd mix of gray and yellow.

Does anybody want a cat named "Peepers"?

It's hard to say no to pancreatic cancer.

I'm Phil, and I always have a handkerchief attached to my face.

I haven't heard a "BOO HISS!" in a long time

I don't think we're way out of the whack

We now carry authentic beach sand.

Q: why isn't it called womenopause?

Don't say aaahhh, say arf.

Central is in the middle.

He showed me his bong.

They're gonna ask me what I think...

...and I have no idea

She does great if you catch her in between drugs.

They make no bones about the puff-puff

It's a love/hate relationship

mostly hate

It's too early in the morning for a Willy Wonka reference

I feel like George Hamilton.

She's got goobers on her brain.

I may need to have you come and be the ugly person.

As you're going out, I'll bring up serious illness.

I embraced it, I just haven't expanded my embrace...

My cheese is your cheese

Mom had a mini freak.

That's the second buzzard story I've heard this week.

Yuks infinity

If he's twitching, you can just put him back to bed.

Always thinking -- but not planning

Just because it's old doesn't mean we don't need it.

I need "D", not "E".

I can make my knuckles crack

My chiropracter can make a back crack

Only God can make a butt crack

It's got that "thrift store" smell.

I'm chomping at the bit to take more junk home.

I know your schedule is bizarre.

When she crashes, it's going to be butt ugly.

My patients are lacking the normal gene.

She was just like a hornet.

The one I get along with best is the cat

Up and runnin. The tooth can be saved.

I want to find a TV station with ugly people.

boredom is subjective?

We're not a horsey sort of a people.

Woo hoo is right!

I will be the tattoo person there. Say hi!

I specialize in depressing.

Does my tongue scratch your skin?

Is there something I don't know about me?

He may remember you if you buried his wife.

Don't get sticks until I tell you

I like fruity things.

You like fruity things.

Wait -- you don't have your ovaries anymore, right? Good, OK!

You're just being obstinant. Bless your heart.

It's natural to for us to deal with our own emptiness by trying to get
others around us to change.

That doesn't make it right, though...

When gum goes, it goes.

I took her an ant-proof cake.

He has Klingon teeth.

What are you doing here annoying me?

There's enough grocery bags for everyone.

I don't know whether I want to live any longer or die any shorter.

Pt had cooled off by the time I arrived.

It was work-related.

No, really!

I am my own lackey!

I save my best burps for you.

I'm having a "stare-off" with my inner child.

I'm michelle for a moment...oh dear!

....I have crashed into a "use it or lose it" circumstance....

Sometimes I feel like I owe people finishes

That wasn't my face...

I don't do well with tags

I'm in Portugal right now

I appreciate the kindness I have endured here

Now THAT is a yurt of a different fabric!

Gotta take care of your teeth

She's as big as a woodchuck.

We didn't refer her to anyone...

It's better if I stay on the meds....or eat some marshmallows.

I might as well look at the notes I left for myself.

I think I took Dory out.

Everybody smokes.....even the dog smokes.

Trying to reason with an addict is like trying to blow out a lightbulb

I just looked because I thought I was crazy.

If I had a cup of triple shot mocha right now, my head would explode.

I sbiD on your Dibs.

The Dentist called; my teeth are in!

Hang on, I gotta massage my butt!

My laptop is giving me the finger.

Is the white still red?

Excuse my armpit!

Experience is knowing a lot of things you shouldn't do.

I'm the hospice postal worker.

Off with his toes!

The whole neighborhood has been stinky for several days

Did he talk to the gnomes?

There were no things about Nantucket, though.

I'm sure the gnomes are getting a little nervous too!

That doesn't stay in my brain without it in front of me.

She was a get-goer

I exercise my right to choose...

...even if I don't remember later.

I can play both sides of that devil's advocate...

You can decide what "appropriate" means

Don't put the catheter through the pant leg.

She's wacky and we're all nuts.

I'm at Oprah's.

One bad gust of wind and I'll be standing with my flag flying at full mast.

It used to be the Mill. Now it's the OLD Mill.

I'm the designated walker.

I'm not a frosting guy.

Jeff's not of the common man.

Wife is a pretty important word!

Some days I feel like Number 2.

I am good now! Thanks!

Table installed

I don't speak dog.

He's ready for a celestial discharge.

I think I did a moon-face.

I live in the hood...

I'm totally blanking her.

It seemed appropriate when it came out, but it didn't come out very often.

Try our new bacon burrito.

I have an ice pick I'm willing to loan out.

Still waiting for a fuse.

Break out the Dutch chocolate and olie ballen!

The first person who calls him a woman will be welcomed to a warm helping of snow shovel.

OK, I'm just *sooo* not used to things being that old!

Dibs on Gander Gearloose!

Q: Any concerns about Wally?

A: No, Wally is just being Wally.

I'll ask about quinine and let you know...

Sheila will have the boonies.

It's like working for the Post Office, except without the automatic weapons.

Cheeseburgers don't grow on trees.

i like toenails...they make your feet look better 'cause they cover all the fleshy stuff beneath it.

OK, this hair appointment is starting to hurt...

you sound like a mafia hamster in your text

Cheap and fast would be nice.

A little Bentyl and I'll be right as rain

peristalsis trumps scheduling!

I never sigh, but I have been known to burp or fart at times.

Anybody want a chair riser?

I've had another brain fart.

Is he stinky?

My brain is frozen after the touring blitz.

I'm not particularly fond of your stubble...

It's like undoing velcro, with no thumbs!

I refuse to give up my chocolate flavored Cheetos.

I would like to appreciate you if you will share the image with us.

Pretty girl waiting for cold cuts.

I just don't feel fully dressed without my pocketknife.

Nobody reads my faxes!

Oops, my trigger finger got carried away

He needs a man bra.

She can see to kick you!

With the size of my head, I should be able to receive high definition.

Sweet! Now I have a goal!

There is no indication in the system that her name was ever Fred.

Keep your monkey toes off Facebook!

The cliches are making my ears bleed.

If I were an oversized load, would you still be my guide vehicle?

By "step up" I mean belly down to the mud pit!

I'm in Taco Bell hell!

Don't congratulate me yet.

When we discuss her appetite, I'm expecting references to horses.

Sarcasm is one thing I do understand!

Those are the people I really like. I just have to remember that I
don't trust them.

Is there any way we can stop him from pooping?

He looks pregnant.

I got my usual response, which is no response at all.

We're not quite up to nitwit stage.

I'll save you a belch or two.

1st beep 1st served

Who is this on my hot dog?

It's time to break out the bacon bombs.

You don't deserve four kids. You only deserve three horrible kids. -JR

He's good for a whopper an hour.

I am 86 years old! What would I ever do with a man??? I would kill him!

don't forget your monkey leash...

I am also Sonya today.

Are you sure you want to delete "when will u die?"

Sounds like your barrell held up nicely!

uh oh... vomiting child!

He hasn't said anything in twenty years that isn't ticking and dripping.

I have an egg crate sitting in my office and ready to go!

Please do not respond to my messages.

It was death by chicken leg

He IS the drug and we all inhale.

Prepare to recieve the dividends of my constant laser spankings

Little girl: We're swinging high! Are you afraid you'll run into a tree?"
Little boy: No, I'm afraid of running into God.

He's got plumbers crack somthin' fierce.

If you start spitting, I'm leavin'.

I'm trying to act the part, not just look the part

Is it me?

He's been having a BM every time I visit.

Thanks for being a guinea pig for me

Now I have an image in my head of zombies singing Cat Stevens songs.

I'm being followed by an inmate work crew.

He heard her call and it scared the urine right out of him.

I'm all clowned out.

You bring the picnic, I'll bring the ants.

I will absorb her this week.

When a dying old woman has a last wish to see the face of a kindly
young man, who could refuse?

I've got random goose pimples.

I just am slow.

My laptop is a little funky.

ALICE !!! CALL 2-1-1 !!!

I'm not worried about his yeast.

I've never seen her anything but sweet, but of course I don't put water on her.

They make an ointment for that.

Think of me as Mary Lou Retton on steroids.

Please advise if your mind produces any ideas

Must be my week for a crap sandwich. Hold the mayo.

They're not hillbillies, just deranged.

Take your steel mesh underwear.

Quit being so nursey!

I thought I was slapping that angel by my bed!

He's not a eunuch.

Home of no guarantee whatsoever.

Where's that plug in?

Before you walk with a cane, you have to walk with a walker.

We're joining forces with the bumbling B's.

Please call if you see any destructive or dangerous behavior.

We be hobbits.

I believe in the boner fairy.

This is the other side of my mouth...

I was nodding off and there was a "dong".

I'm weathering the spice storm!

I decapitated Tinkerbelle.

He woke up to go to the bathroom

I have a mouthful.

The nurse is always the last to know....that's fine.

She's fine if I don't touch her

I strive for perfection, but sometimes I fail

Life is good when you're blackberry free.

David has to sit in front.

Microphone!

I don't like the homework and the poop.

Tammie has her shaving license.

He ate Kathryn Hepburn.