They do tattoos AND piercings; it's pretty much a one stop shop for self mutilation.

Send IT requests to IT please.

........we now return you to your regularly scheduled 4:55 PM mayhem.

I'm going to go whip myself.

They died. I didn't kill them.

She has a terminal tapeworm.

Tomorrow I will get him in the shower.

It's hard to know how bright the lights are.

The flowers I can arrange.
The bunnies are on you cowboy.

He's like the guy who gets hit by a meteor and thinks he's an astronaut.

...'cause obviously your mom wants to be involved in your life

Don't let a suitcase filled with cheese be your big fork and spoon.

Every five years I have a mid-life crisis.

I love the smell of crazy on a friday afternoon!

Sent from my mobile device...

The lights are on.....and she's not the sharpest knife in the drawer.

I don't know which house is a bigger zoo!

Constipation orders are kind of strange.

He looks pretty good laying there, but he doesn't respond appropriately.

I get the big smelly dog treatment everytime I go.

I'm a very deep person. Even lunch has meaning...

THE DA!!!

I threw out my arms once, but I couldn't get them back, so I had new ones installed so I could type...

My teeth are being cleaned so responses may be delayed.

As soon as I can restart my f'ing laptop since Outlook just died!!!

If they're on the way out the door, you want them to have their happy shoes on.

I found Mr Softee last night!

You know me and hot ovens...

Oh, you burped. I thought you said something.

"Toxic Leavins" -- I guess I coined a new phrase (heh heh heh)

I'm more interested in weight without clothing....or shoes.

Of course he just sits and drools......

I appreciate you going through this room of manure to find the pony.

I scream when I poke myself.

Nobody wants to die at the end of summer.

The arm bone is, apparently, connected to, ummm, the arm bone!

Are you a two T Scott?

What about all the begats?

I haven't heard the cockroach thing

How about the buttock wounds?

You have a lot of juggling over there.

I don't think he's totally floppy.