I must be a ninja, 'cause automatic flush toilets never seem to sense my presence.

Hug. Kiss. Lick.
EWW! Fling! Wack!

I looked like a sweating clown!

I think I'm pretty cheesed up for awhile...

I think we all want some of something.

I'm against the beach.

I need to be near salad...

I've seen Scott raise the bar.....

No pain, no brain.

Are you done?

I'm bawling to Dvorak.

I came sweeping in, in my little red Subaru.

In my head I was supposed to bake...but I didn't.

It's not over until the metabolically challenged woman sings.

Man, the bruise on my butt is a FRIGHTENING thing to see!

Eat, sleep, travel and work makes this old broad dull and boring.

My boobs might not be much, but I like them. They're attached to me.

Payday is cheese day!!!

I defer to Helen for ultimate clarity.

If I didn't have my nose issue I might be happier...

It's like talking to a chicken.

Ring the bell for Rick.

She sounds like a dishwasher.

And how many first born children does that cost?

I have to call the crab people!!!

I'm waiting for the Empire State Building lid to come on...

Today we will call my laptop "the tortoise".

I had to touch my bottom, then I could fly...

Why don't we just run him through the car wash?

Tell me he's awful.

Bonus back scratch.

You're like a seizure waiting to happen for me...

You can't get a bad piece of pizza at Pontillo's

I took a canning class...but I didn't can.

You're out of your zip code.

I have really hot ears.

Go to heaven with a good face? It isn't working.

It sounds like there's a freight train running through his nose.

He took his doorbell into the bathroom.

Stand by for movement!

I don't want to meet up with some psycho.

You stammer because you know I speak true.

I'm not a great wheelchair driver.