The rest is the rest.

Hey! Easy on the "yikes".

I know the super Polack will get it

It's a real pain in the parts!

In a contest between me and an animatronic pig, I know who's gonna win.

I'm vacationing in my mind.

Our little gong was too loud without you...

Prefer someone with not time preference. Thanks.

Life is not medical.

I would never think of putting grated carrot in my jello (or brain!)

Your email says "somewhat" but your heart says "holy freaking buttermilk, batman!"

You are cluttering up my mile...

I gave my teeth the night off...

I didn't say the "apparently" part

As bad as all that sounds, it may not be worse than being a dude named Leslie...

I thought he was a girl.

It's not pain that makes you old, it's bitching about it.

It felt like little knives coming at you, but not in a bad way.

...it's always something about a bottle of whisky

You need a pizza intervention.

I don't know how I made it red...

 

...I'm sorry...

Vitamins are cheaper than Starbuck's.

She's a BITTER and TWISTED angel.......

I'm game (don't shoot me)

Details details... Today I'm awesome ;)

I don't do Avon.......

Sorry for the inadvertent boy-band reference.

We shall call them "Ass" and "Ass Jr."

silly me i bumped my bobo made it hurt more..dang :(...

I don't have a problem with people's butts.

Don't take any wooden salmon.

Trying to avoid aisles altogether!

Sick people have to have their CO2 tanks...

(If any of you have a magic wand, please share with me)

I'm gonna have a whole wall of me.

I shart the sheriff...

Boob ok!! : )

I sent multiple messages to multiple people saying "D'OH!".

I've never seen an 80 year old piece of cake.

He's had his quota of dizzy days for this year.

We made headway on our itch.

Cheese - I loved it, and yet I used it as a weapon

(long relationship with constipation)