I've never met an Asian Fi Fi before.

I'm trying to strike a balance between Louis Pasteur and Dr Kervorkian.

Happy day off (if you are off)

All I want for Christmas is to not have diarrhea.

My butt is not a happy area right now!

This week was particularly lumpy....

Then I'll love on all the penises and you can love on all the cauliflower.

It's a neck brace but I use it as a whoopie cushion.

I'm 61. I need a break all the time.

Yes, that is I.

 

Sorry, no Patrick Stewart!

Back to normal in the Phil zone.

I'm just waiting until the last moment before I put my pants on.

There's introverts, there's extroverts, and then there's Gary.

...don't take the man's cheese!

You can't just make a little bit of chutney.

Oops -- wrong W

I must have been chewing too hard.

I had no idea there were so many poop information resources available.

I miss my little round thing

She wanted a bed, but it wasn't a "bed bed".

She rearranged the room and slept on the floor.

She's happy to not pee through a straw.

I have too many things floating by.

I'm listening to you.

...and I lean.

It was reported that she was wet and restless.

(Don't scare me like that Carrie!)

She's going to check your ass....she knows what she's doing.

put your teeth in, you're slurring...

It's been my week for someone using somethng that's not theirs...

Here comes the cat lady.....we're going to nail her.

Luckily I didn't have the suicide pill in my pocket that day...

It was big!

It was amazing!

It just disappeared!

She's got a lot of monsters in her closet.

Did I do that?

I'm still trying to swim my way out of a pile.

In German a 'g' is a "guh"

She collapses back into 'dingy" when we're not there.

I like wounds.

There was somethin' hitting against somethin' in there.....

Try a little morphine at bedtime. Everyone needs just a drop.

Feel free to talk in zombie voice.

I actually went to high school with a guy named Fatty Cheese.

I really need to mark my things...

I covet your chewing...

I spent all day yesterday not getting a nosebleed...

I so want to lean on you, but I don't want my nose to bleed...

I'm already under the bus. Might as well laugh while I'm down here...

I've got bereavement coming out of my ears.

She must have been sucking in all her limbs.

Thank God she had that episode.

When you say "we" I feel involved...

I think someone put my number on a bathroom wall somewhere.

I am HERE!

Where's the duck?

I tried to disimpact someone's schizophrenia once and almost lost an eyeball in the backfire.

Hey! This body's still warm!

I'll try to drill for the nerve tomorrow, and we'll see what happens...

She ate lasagna and I guess that really burned her up...

My granddaughter thought it was a pony.

She's not dripping like she was.....

my snark-o-meter may be on the fritz

Sometimes I think my rib cage is just too heavy...

The only thing we're keeping an eye on is her bottom...

She was talkative....she let me soak her feet.

I like dirt! It's the first thing I've eaten that doesn't taste like chicken.

She is a devious little dear.

I didn't know they could hop.

If I promise no fuss or feathers, can I come and see him?

It's the new age fruitcake!

Tina was Tina, as Tina can be...

Phil and I will bring the wind and the bugs.

My bag was the only thing that kept my ankles from being chewed on.

We did the happy hemorrhoid dance.

If you know Origami, you could make a swell menagerie.

Keith needs stories!

I've been there with one of those loaf manglers.

I'll stand out here and smell the pumpkin lightly.

It's a hot dog, lower the bar.

Are my lips too tart?

Oh!

I thought it fell off...but I guess it's still attached...

Sometimes I amaze myself with my left hand!

My brain takes leaps I didn't intend it to...

Somebody is honking at you.

Mentally she is a little bit everywhere.

I was going to bring my own wet noodle, but I forgot...

He'd crush you if he fell on you.

Heh... woops. Thanks.

So many fire drills, so few hoses.

You open it!!!

I don't want another ferret...or whatever...

Warped minds are also speedy!

oh my squeak is pretty loud.
spacing out the noise.

He's got a little potty problem.

Let's have a cranky-fest!

I've got crankiness in my bones today.

You're the man.

The tomato man.

He's got red crinkles.

I feel cheated. I didn't smell anything.

I've been going days without getting hold of any humans...

You can talk about the bowel stuff.

I don't think she's decomposing.

I usually do my lightbulb changing on Fridays...

I'm a casual sneezer...

You're "young old" -- you're not "old old" yet!

synch doen

Somehow a liver smoothie doesn't sound all that good.

They're gonna be jingling all over the place...

I replaced it yesterday, now it hurts.

...that's a lot of chili!

I didn't think she had time to become an invalid...

It's probably best if you just stop talking now.

Good is better than pretty.

 

(and lucky is better than good!)

All my hay is in for the year!

All are content.

Raw

You can grab one of the laminated WILDAs!

You know the motto...

 

If you're going to be a professional athlete, wear a life preserver!

She speaks in Japanese, but she doesn't make any sense...

If she's not at the door, knock on the window!

It's like she's chewing gum...but there's no gum!

I thought we were going to get rats with diarrhea.

He doesn't say real words anymore.

Everybody I saw yesterday wanted to talk about bowels.

It's hard to listen with digitalis poisoning.

I squirm until I'm OK.

Needless to say, I'm wooee wooee...

Life doesn't stop for death.

I'm happy to destroy these for you.....

Time really whizzes by when you're having a ball!

We're out of luck...

 

He's out of luck...

 

Everybody's out of luck...

I had the best bowel movement!

I keep showing up at Gunsmoke time! 

Looks like the two of you got anointed...

It's a guy thing. Where do you plug it in?

Unfortunately, that makes sense.

I'm trying to remember if I bake.

Will do.

 

Probably, I mean there is a high likelyhood that I will, we'll see, no I'll do it, I'm convicted, yes, it will happen.

 

Can you imagine what goes on in my head all day?

 

Don't, just don't.

 

Make the voices stop. 

These are not the rate hikes you're looking for.

Please don't be subtle with me!

I'll take the whew!

Am I in trouble for being a Sassy Frass???

It's all in the bedtime story!!!

Consider yourself immortalized.

At least I don't have to wear a face mask.

My name's not simple.

I scare my cats.

Insert joke here.

Gave enema…..let's hope for poo!!

They have to pry her mouth open because she's disoriented a little bit.

I'm drawing hearts over here in my own La-La Land...

If only she used her foster home for niceness instead of evil...

Presently not able to report to work as I resemble an alien...

Hay truck Dump late a bit

It's all fun and games until you get chamomile tea in your ear.

My appetite isn't worth a damn!

We're numbed to our own mediocrity.

Her bottom looks like it's slowly closing up.

2 people have asked about the BRA.

Let's go with flexible spine...

I'm in happy hour mode.

Poetry is the anti-alcohol.

I can hear your diabolical chortle all the way over here.

Burial is accomplished.

I saw the message and I am not responding.

Keith was a great backpack.

We like to think of you as pate'

Kay is here.

Nothing better than having a french fry in one hand, and a cancer stick in the other!

It was a long hike, but the baby monkeys were totally worth it!

Pt sitting in bed visiting (and belching) quite happily when I left.

Oh I remember the cheese...

Vegetables bridge language barriers.

Those jeans looked nice on him but if he stood up they would fall right off!

You know I'm better at talking than typing.

Whoever was here last was sticky.

I don't crawl over him, I crawl around him.

Then you'd be home to feed the chicken while I'm out...

Suddenly I have a craving for stale grape nuts.....

I didn't lick it but it smells like cardboard.

Hey, wait a minute-that's not a marsupial pouch!!!!

Maybe it was a temporary burp...

Let's wait another week and see if she dies.

I'm the bomb, whatever that means....

Correction. Prepare John for travel.

(…as long as Morgan Freeman was still God)

Last year I actually used duct tape on my ducts!

If your penis started bleeding you'd be a hot mess too!

She likes to do more talking than bathing.

I showed up with a young coconut...

Speaking of bathrooms.....

Pretty much anyone can take poop out of you.

She's the little fairy that fills the vodka bottle.

I love the green stuff!

Thanks, toot toot.

 

(That's my own horn)

Closeness only counts in handshoes and horse grenades.

I was feeding the chicken monster when you called...

Yep, we'll have to ruminate on the gears.

How do you feel about the term "your mother is now fertilizer"?

Scramble some eggs and you can feel like a hunter!

I'm listening in the third person.

A woo,
And a hoo,
Both to you!

I live to screw up another day! Woo hoo!

He was pretty aggravated during my visit and I like all ten of my fingers.

...am I still undercover Nancy?

Whoa! That was some kind of scientific thing that just happened there!

You can hear the banjo playin' as you come down the driveway.

I'm kind of specializing in Japanese Buddhists these days...

It's hard to cow-tow to gibberish!

She did something to pipe him up.

The tummy is new to me...

Sometimes its a piece of meat.

 

Otherwise its a piece of toast.

I defer to Shelley, Empress of All Things Infusion and Wound Related

I've never ridden in an RV before.

 

...I'm an RV virgin!

There's nothing like burnt cheese...

I can hear the munchkins playing their tiny harps.

She didn't say anything about her mother being a guitar.

I guess that's the bright side of OCD...

I'm backin' up.

Well, since you've got me talking again...

My laptop needs an enema.

I survived the Great Keith-pocalypse of 2013!

I'd rather have more toilet paper than safety checks.
(Scribbled note posted by patient's door)

All peeps are good.

It wasn't me, thinking!

You're so dextile!!!

Everybody Poops

 

(but not everybody can do the dougie)

Buy cheap socks and buy a lot of them.

Is he twitching yet?

You seem like a man who washes his hands, so...

Women with five o' clock shadows don't get a lot of dates.

You are a teacher and you deserve a burrito.

I'm a big fan of what's her name!

He's gray as gray can get.

I heard a little gurgle in her...

He keeps toodlin' in there with her warmed up peach juice....

I don't know whether to hug them or wring their necks!

I'm not talking! I'm listening!

Discontinue Dexamethasone!

(Tom Cruise as a zombie notwithstanding)

I need a nose mitten!

She's a plank of wood, but she's a *nice* plank of wood.

If you don't, it's a crime.

It depends on where you are on the adventure cusp.

I did tell you about the urine contaminated specimen mailer last week, didn't I?

sorry folks, my glue stick went wacko!

beware: larger chunks of hazelnut

Can I beep-beep you for a minute?

That was my banana talking back.

You're still stuck on the yoghurt

Nudity is not abuse.

I felt like "The Grinch Who Stole..." uh... something.

Can I use my Piers Morgan voice?

There's a lot of things I'm doing when I'm not doing the other things.

"Fuggy"?

I heard "Fuggy"!

Woo hoo! Hooray for vomit!

She looked like swiss cheese.

It's so rude to get shocked when you're dying.

Rectal tubing medicine....is the coolest thing!

Would he accept a constipated volunteer?

He is alert... But... Flat.

She can still be a potted plant but she's not bedbound.

What is this about? I ought to be dead.

I don't know my Freddy from my Fanny.

ONPLUB

 

(Official Nurse for People Living Under Bridges)

Boogie on, Reggae MSW!

He coughs like a sea lion.

What are you seeing? Woo woo woo. I'm a child of the 60's.

Take your robes and go do some hippie.

She stands on those little bird legs.

I got to see her in Santa Claus's afterglow...

She's like a walking skeleton.

ARE YOU ALIVE..WHY DID YOU WRITE THE DEED?

Consider me wahoo-prepped.

I accidentally cc'd Beverly

You were just on like a piercing frenzy!

We say no to dead people.

Well, in Oklahoma, blah bluh blah...

She's really a bad color.

You know you're gaining weight if your pajamas are too tight!

Dory can be the kitty...

If you win the lottery, I'll buy the slop!

Exactly!!!

 

...because that's where the drugs come from!

So how do you do that when you're dead?

I'm going to pick the fly poop out of the pepper.

I'm a comma nazi.

There's just enough money in petty cash for some petty chocolate.

Thank you for stretching my brain...

Thank you for saving my head...

It's middle school with cellulite.

Veryon good for now

There's two Browns in my head

His wife concerns me...

Woo hoo! I'm all synced up!

That's pretty much "Virginia in a nutshell" !!!

She peels like a blanched peach.

We usually only die once.

I've done things like this in other settings and places...

Um, well...there was that recent séance.

blame this on my fat little fingers...

Myopathies is the winner!

I'm not all that upset about interrupting anyone's day...

MUNCHIE FEVER!

My brain is giving me the silent treatment today.

Whenever she talks she just spits eggs at me.

We don't brush her teeth because she doesn't have any...

I think we've made great strides with his bowels.

Spicy! I'm a Social Worker!

You don't want to see me on caffeine.

You look German today.

can you answer the draining question?

Do eggs make it better?

I think I need something with fringe...

Cow Dung is completed

Would you like to hear my two cents or do you give a care?

Did she show you the alien head?

Oh boy, I just crashed...

She sleeps on her mom's schedule

Pizza-itis!

remember--don't eat lunch!

You can lift your face but you can't lift your voice.

OKEY DOKEY infinity

My sanity is hugely important to me

(we're all here!)

She's a "stranger danger" kind of girl.

I'm not a big "Fentanyl Pop" fan.

Two great minds....blah blah

Is that lunch I smell cooking at the casino,

or did Sadie the cow fall into the peat bog again?

I had a bad experience with a pole...

It feels weird to walk in shoes...

I'm sure there's a list of the ways you humor me...

I saw a bunch of people and they're all fine.

If you are short on hours, please take one.

...and I was stupid enough to look up how many calories there are in it!

No no, it's bad...

 

My brain is BAD!!!!!

We talked a lot about her birds...

I'm sorry to hijack the meeting.

I speak Ron

I vow to pack content and not heat.

They call me Festus.

I let the good times roll and they ran me over.

Usually I perspire from the neck up...

A deer killed my Volvo :(

(now-ish)

I don't know a dad who wears mom jeans.

Sorry for being Mr Cryptic...

You got hit with the pretty stick.

But the cereal is called "DEATH" !!!

She is their glue.

She's beginning to look like a golf course...

Yes, I'm one of Dory's Assistants

I'm not a big "Zofran police" person.

Do you quack regularly?

I thought of it, but got lazy...

We can kill him but we can't water board him.

I'm putting my fingers in everyone's pies, and sometimes I get them slapped.

Cindy might want to ding it.

Talking about him is really more for her...

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to call him a dude.

He's not as quick to jump on you...

You are so wise for an old fart.

Can you give me some verbage about decline?

The angel of death has followed me around for awhile.

(whistling part)

Yea, Cindy! Yea, Biceps!

Didn't gamble, but now I am pretty broke.

You did a good job, now that we're not out eating people...

...now where will I get my Swedish bandages?

Make mine Spock.

There's plenty of room here at the funny farm.....

She's very well marbled.

She sleeps with her head way up in the air.

I am your GPS

Let's smooth the water and get the hell out of Dodge.

It's like: hurry up, get on, and do your thing.

Every year I drop off a year, so...

I'm sure I'm the only Georgi here...

Support your local Search and Rescue. Get lost.

Before she left she went a little cracker-dogs...

Non-S.O. S.O.

...little tiny dog with a great big bark...

I tend to compliment folks on their sneezing technique.

You have to save before you search.

I don't have any recipes that require packing tape & Starbursts

Ok I did number two, will go back and do number one.

Tuesday was death day.

 

Death daaaayyyyyy!

Cindy has been kind enough to get her pooping!

If one little string goes crazy, the whole ball is gonna fray!

In general, I don't hit my head nearly as much as I used to...

That was plain mean...but I enjoyed the giggle that followed the angina!

(personal watermelon)

When I left there I didn't take a dang thing except my undy-wear and my clothes!

I have never done a letter of death.

We all say "Hello!" to the curb once in awhile...

I was fine until "creamy" came out...

You haven't worked here long enough to say "Yea!"

Applewood is a terminal diagnosis.

He looks like a dalmation with red spots.

...I'm feeling pretty confident that someday my left trap will stop being a damn control freak.

Still grieving for the 10122 but somehow I will muddle through...

Mostly OUT