I will adhere to being the adhesive!

Your camel is dead to me!

You don't want to touch my toes!

My favorite Christmas carol is "Tranfusion for the holidays".

Did I stop doing something I was doing?

I lose track of time when I'm talking.

My cooking brain cells have shrunken considerably.

I think her seratonin has been goosed enough.

That's one butt crack I could have lived without!

I remember what it was like to have hair.

I floated for four and a half years.

I'm in a turkey state of mind!

I could wonder tomorrow.

I think that was just filed away in my 'denial hole' or something...

That bakes my beans!

You can't cure normal.

I'm sure I'm forgetting somebody, since there's been lots of somebodies...

I found it in a funky place...

Meanwhile, my son smells like dirty socks!

She went from zero to maniac in ten seconds.

He looks like a puffed up little chicken.

The one on his butt is getting serious.

I don't know how she keeps her pants up.

I'll bet he was a scrappy little dude.

Nutella is like baby angels pooped and we eat it.

When you've lived in a place that has hook worms, you let a lot of things go...

She burped and it was over.

How many leg cheers did you guys get?

Friend time is never butt numbing!

I'm still in my Summer head, though, so...

I just dropped in to see what condition my condition is in...

We call him the dishwasher Nazi.

I need to see if he wants his teeth.

I got crickets.

I think chicken looked better than squirrel.

Little scrotum on the prairie

Fish burps. Not fun.

I always forget I have to push your button!

I'm waiting for the "whoa whoa"...

If you're gonna poop, you should flush...

No one likes a limp finger.

If the balls chime are they for your hand?

No thank you, Mrs. Goat Cheese!

The leg's only been with one guy....one guy can do a lot of things....

Snorf snorf.

I'm sorry. I just had a seizure.

You make a fine R

So far we be good and tucked...

Do we have to do some regulatory "stuff"?

We're just pushing and punting...

She just kind of rides her own merry-go-round and we do what we can for her every time she swings on by...

The blander the better

Sometimes, you just have to pee in the dark

How palliative of you!

This is what focus sounds like.

I'm only speeding 'cause I really have to poop!

Our problem is: length and width.

Please! Don't say 'penis' -- it's Christmas!!!

John has anointed me to talk about his bowels.

You're nodding your head like you know something.

We're going to have to be a little more OCD about our opiates...

Sometimes it feels like it takes an act of Congress to wipe my butt!

Death is the first step to insanity.

(Sorry about the bilingual mish-mash)

Prayer isn't exactly like making sausage...

He's as pleasant as Punch

I'm an analog person in a digital world.

Tahnks!

I hate it when the mangos aren't ripe.

Hey! I'm just the comedy conduit. 

I don't know whether to rub it on her or lick my hands.

He's getting spots everywhere....

You can hear me coming with my clicky shoes...

Now you know why I was hanging things out of my nose...

Woo hoo! Incompetence, you are my friend!

If you're concerned about not being able to get it out...don't put it in.

It is angry-looking, like a tumor would be...

You are who I am supposed to be

I got a big dose of big stinky yellow dog.

It's not every day that you see a spider crawl out of your salami!

See, there're moons everywhere!

How will I know if I can go home if I can't find my stick?

Urine is clear and beautiful.

If it drains, let us know...

I seem to get there when John's constipated...

Well, it's been over a month so I shouldn't talk...

It hasn't gotten bigger, but it does weep.

Sorry, when I got paged my brain went backward.

Grab your muffin and git!

She's just a little dwindler...

I guess everybody's 'verge' is a different width

You can lead a horse to water, blah blah...

The living room seems to be the place for dead flying ants...

Geography will be my challenge but I am a good juggler!

I'm not being lazy. I just don't know the link.

It's now Scott's plan to do something....

You still have my fish.

I said "ooooh" not "eeeew"!

As far as an entrance. I prefer to be the medical staff vs the medical emergency.

It's like my eyes give off dirt.

It's hard to clean a noodle!

You shot a skinny chicken?

She was a pistol...and she went out with a bang!

When I'm here you don't have to think...or talk.

He's too weak now to stand and do his coiffure.

By the time I leave, everything's dead but the dog.

I missed the segue. I must have fuzzed out there for a minute.

Adorability is not terminal.

She's little but she can give you a look like "Get Outta Here!!!!"

Even pronouns can hurt...

Put out the cancer stick, Joey.

The family was complaining that she was smelling kind of funky.

We talk about poop a lot. Sorry.

Are you on the purgatory diet?

I had to print it because I couldn't tell what it was.

If I was afraid of boy cooties, I would have died YEARS ago! 

Do you want me to grab an enema on my way out?

I've heard you when you're not there.

FRONT:
Okey dokey <insert name of preferred vegetable in this space>

BACK:
Make mine broccoli

They said he had a heart attack, so he didn't feel like a shower when I got there.

She toddles...

I have a black belt in 'run away'

I left the burrito out too long.

It's like some crazy music nerd stuff.

The family are concerned that she is whistling and scratching at the walls.

Everybody looks bad when they get out of the hospital.....

Give me your teeth!

I'm the bottleneck!

...also a Mexican fellow named Herman.

I'd suggest you wait on the weaning....

I have one this color but it's not swirly.

I don't think my pants are on fire.

So is boot season over?

She's not really in a dying frame of mind...

Yep, blanked on that today. I will self flagellate pronto.

It's nice to be schmoozed.

Back to vacation. Just wanted to make sure there weren't any mishaps in the staffing ether.

Give me a few minutes and then everybody synch.

If it's green the cat will eat it.

I don't like to type with my fingers...

I am coiffed and coffee imbibed good to go!

Oh. It must be that 'human' part of your genome...

I hunt because when it comes to the end of the world you'll want a redneck on your team.

I like my beer out of a wine glass.

You have reached the number you have called.

I've got too many people swimming in my head right now.

Don't confuse me with the facts. I wanna sing.

Don't touch that honey. You don't know where those bees have been.

When the family's ready, you'd better go.

I'm like a chalkboard -- there's nothing there...

I'm a temporary vegan.

She was our stand-in salmon

You don't see many women with beards.

Sorry about the "honey" part.

She seems to be a little rounder each time I go.

Anti-coagulation is overrated.

...what do you expect, pom poms?

Rebecca is our guru.

Is there anything better than eating tacos in a limo?

Am I going to sneeze, or am I going to just sit here and have a  tickle?

chest hair lol

Hooray for babies!

I never have any fun when I vomit.

I really like skating, I just don't like wearing skates.

I'm mucho magnanimous!

He is like Jello: if you put him in a chair he just sort of starts oozing down.

I've got 8 BRA's, which should keep me busy for awhile.

Blurb, dude!

The plan will be "find out what's the plan".

Never apologize for thinking.

My computer just died and my brain is going with it.

My ear just doesn't see like it used to...

Can you bark like a dog?

Pain makes my nipples 3D.

It ain't the flu unless you barf things you've only thought about eating.

I just like to say "Zelma". It makes a whitebread feel ethnic.

Can I blow the Julie whistle?

Only a nurse can eat and talk about poop.

I have a problem with muskporn

I thought I knew what was happening...but then it changed

She's probably just as dead as she was.

It's not fun when they're agitated.

If this is a test, you get an 'A+' and I get a 'you suck'

I should have a beeper in my butt.

I didn't know Satan had a terminal disease.