Trying to reason with an addict is like trying to blow out a lightbulb

I just looked because I thought I was crazy.

If I had a cup of triple shot mocha right now, my head would explode.

I sbiD on your Dibs.

The Dentist called; my teeth are in!

Hang on, I gotta massage my butt!

My laptop is giving me the finger.

Is the white still red?

Excuse my armpit!

Experience is knowing a lot of things you shouldn't do.

I'm the hospice postal worker.

Off with his toes!

The whole neighborhood has been stinky for several days

Did he talk to the gnomes?

There were no things about Nantucket, though.

I'm sure the gnomes are getting a little nervous too!

That doesn't stay in my brain without it in front of me.

She was a get-goer

I exercise my right to choose...

...even if I don't remember later.

I can play both sides of that devil's advocate...

You can decide what "appropriate" means

Don't put the catheter through the pant leg.

She's wacky and we're all nuts.

I'm at Oprah's.

One bad gust of wind and I'll be standing with my flag flying at full mast.

It used to be the Mill. Now it's the OLD Mill.

I'm the designated walker.

I'm not a frosting guy.

Jeff's not of the common man.

Wife is a pretty important word!

Some days I feel like Number 2.

I am good now! Thanks!

Table installed

I don't speak dog.

He's ready for a celestial discharge.

I think I did a moon-face.

I live in the hood...

I'm totally blanking her.

It seemed appropriate when it came out, but it didn't come out very often.

Try our new bacon burrito.

I have an ice pick I'm willing to loan out.

Still waiting for a fuse.

Break out the Dutch chocolate and olie ballen!

The first person who calls him a woman will be welcomed to a warm helping of snow shovel.

OK, I'm just *sooo* not used to things being that old!

Dibs on Gander Gearloose!

Q: Any concerns about Wally?

A: No, Wally is just being Wally.

I'll ask about quinine and let you know...

Sheila will have the boonies.

It's like working for the Post Office, except without the automatic weapons.