When the family's ready, you'd better go.

I'm like a chalkboard -- there's nothing there...

I'm a temporary vegan.

She was our stand-in salmon

You don't see many women with beards.

Sorry about the "honey" part.

She seems to be a little rounder each time I go.

Anti-coagulation is overrated.

...what do you expect, pom poms?

Rebecca is our guru.

Is there anything better than eating tacos in a limo?

Am I going to sneeze, or am I going to just sit here and have a  tickle?

chest hair lol

Hooray for babies!

I never have any fun when I vomit.

I really like skating, I just don't like wearing skates.

I'm mucho magnanimous!

He is like Jello: if you put him in a chair he just sort of starts oozing down.

I've got 8 BRA's, which should keep me busy for awhile.

Blurb, dude!

The plan will be "find out what's the plan".

Never apologize for thinking.

My computer just died and my brain is going with it.

My ear just doesn't see like it used to...

Can you bark like a dog?

Pain makes my nipples 3D.

It ain't the flu unless you barf things you've only thought about eating.

I just like to say "Zelma". It makes a whitebread feel ethnic.

Can I blow the Julie whistle?

Only a nurse can eat and talk about poop.

I have a problem with muskporn

I thought I knew what was happening...but then it changed

She's probably just as dead as she was.

It's not fun when they're agitated.

If this is a test, you get an 'A+' and I get a 'you suck'

I should have a beeper in my butt.

I didn't know Satan had a terminal disease.

I've never met an Asian Fi Fi before.

I'm trying to strike a balance between Louis Pasteur and Dr Kervorkian.

Happy day off (if you are off)

All I want for Christmas is to not have diarrhea.

My butt is not a happy area right now!

This week was particularly lumpy....

Then I'll love on all the penises and you can love on all the cauliflower.

It's a neck brace but I use it as a whoopie cushion.

I'm 61. I need a break all the time.

Yes, that is I.

 

Sorry, no Patrick Stewart!

Back to normal in the Phil zone.

I'm just waiting until the last moment before I put my pants on.

There's introverts, there's extroverts, and then there's Gary.